A touching letter..

Dear, my beloved one

I want to tell you that you are sophisticated to what you do in your character. I seeing a bright future in you, I picture your smile in my mind, it put a smile on my face to know that you are happy with your life and leave all your worries behind and not let love afflict you in some way. I act like I know you well, but I don’t I’m just guessing. It is my compliment that I have for you and I hope you willing to accept it! I know that you are too tied up at your work place and all. I respect that! And I hope that you are doing good and smiling, and that’s all that I want to see and hear from you! There is something that I want to tell you, that I kept it inside of me for so long. Is that I like you that part you’ve already know, but what you don’t know is….Well I can’t explain it to you now it’s for me to know and for you to find out! That word I kept it locked inside my heart that no one has the keys to open it up, beside me! If I decide to hand you the keys is when I have everything for you like a beautiful large house, luxury cars like Mercedes benz, BMW etc.., and a picture perfect of our own beautiful family.  Before that ever happen; first I must get down on my knees and ask for your hand, if the answer is yes I will slip a shining diamond ring into your finger. “giggling” I make it seems so realistic “giggling”. But here comes the sad news, I’m not that man who is affluent, all I have is my lonely healthy heart that is still beating every second until the moment comes I know it will miss a beat because of heartbroken! I’m not trying to inveigle you to fall in love with me it’s something for you to decide for yourself! I don’t want to deceive you in anyway.  And until now, I don’t even know your true feelings!  To tell you the truth you’re the only one that caught my attention when I first sign up for myspace. That I never knew about. I’m not that type to go on the computer to look for women or chat with them online, to me that is just a waste of my time and money, and beside I don’t know who I really talking too it might not be a beautiful women “giggling” I have to use good judgment not to fall for some rubbish stuff like that. Rubbish, Rubbish, I can’t believe that there are people out there who are doing that, well that’s not me so what the hell I care! Right!……. Right! I am one unique person as you can see! I only use the computer for education and knowledge.

Because I’m so far away from the people that I know I decided to sign up for myspace to keep in touch with my cousins, nephews, nieces , brother’s and friends! And especially you! Laughing out loud! Anyways back to me and you, if I decided to wait for you or is it the other way around “giggling”  well I’m going to be a single man for the rest of my life, because when I have my heart for someone that I’m longing to be with, I stick to that one for the rest of my life, until she can’t wait for me any longer, and that’s when I know for sure that there is no one else that I’m willing to be with. I know it! I’m going to be a lonely man for the rest of my life. I’m not that easy to fall in love with someone else that I see! If I’ve already have my heart set for someone and that someone is you! “giggling” I been wanting to say out these words for so long now. I have been open to you and you seem to diverge from me. Let me know how you feel! Tell me straight out and not put it in any way that causes confusion for me!

I haven’t been myself lately since that night that nearly got me kill or badly beaten. I felt like the world is against me and that make me mad at the world. I will never want to remember that day ever! Thinking of It I remember that you said, if my memory isn’t that bad! It is embarrassing and shameful, only a fool who share his story in public, how embarrassing!  Well that’s when I didn’t post my photo for everyone to see yet and I didn’t care then! I told myself when I do I will delete it from my blog as you can see it’s not in my blog anymore.  I feel so embarrass when I think of it and Thank to you!  Without you saying that I will never notice it! I would still be a fool until now not know that there are people out there laughing their ass off at me behind my back! (giggling) and that laugh is not something that I should be proud of! “ It Is an INSULT” am I right, RIGHT! Laughing! That’s why I need someone like you to tell me those things, for me to keep my pride in high standard and never let anyone look down on you. You know way better than me because a lady is good at those things! Giggling! I’m just that man that only know what a man suppose to do, Is to take care, protect his family from harm and work hard to feed his family. For a women is to manage everything around the house and make good choices for the family. That’s why a man need a woman in his life, without a woman in his life he’ll be making bad choices in his life and regret it later. Wishing that he had a woman that he loves to be there for him, maybe he’ll never suffer the consequences that he is suffering now.

I have a warrior’s heart and pride, Afraid to fall in love and not to die. Scared that his reputation might be ruin by a woman. No matter what every man kind need to fall in love, no matter how tough and a great of a warrior I am. A warrior might not be afraid of dying just to protect his village and people, but a warrior must not be weak when falling in love or else he’ll end up losing his life and the battle, and that’s how I feel.

Here is a poem for you to read before I end this letter!

Love can be touch just one time and last a lifetime and never let go until thy end. Love was once when I left you that one true moment that I can’t hold on too…. In my dream my life will go on near or far I believe that the heart does go on. Once more you open the door for me and when you’re here with me my heart will go on and on. Whenever you’re here there’s nothing that I could fear and that’s when I know that our heart stood still and we’ll stay forever that way. Just remember you are safe in my heart even when the distance seems to keep on getting longer and longer! Well find away to make it shorter one day!

From your misery man!

Always will


Rehabilitation not revenge

Rehabilitation not revenge

15 November 2009 Marshall Kim

It’s too late for revenge. The UN and foreign governments should learn to intervene when a country is suffering, not three decades later.

I was born and raised in Kampot province in Cambodia. I was about 10 years old when Cambodia’s civil war began. I heard the sound of guns, rockets and airplanes and saw someone getting shot or dying almost every day. Some days and nights we hid in a bunker to escape the rockets. In 1972 my family and I went to Phnom Penh.

In early 1975, the Khmer Rouge marched into the capital and emptied the entire city in three days. We returned to our hometown. In the next four years my mother and father, my brothers, aunts, uncles and friends became some of the KR’s 1.7m victims.

We lived on mice, rats and lizards. My 8-year-old niece starved to death before my eyes. I cried until I had no more tears. I prayed for someone to stop the slavery and the killings. No one came to the rescue.

To save my life I learned to cut the hair of the KR cadre leaders and make bamboo baskets that the older people used to carry away the dirt they dug from irrigation canals. In 1979, alone and desperate, I escaped to a Thai refugee camp. Sponsors helped me gain passage to New York City in 1982. I spoke no English, had no money and knew almost no one.

Today, I own a hair salon in Manhattan. I live with my wife and two children in Scarsdale, a suburb in the north of the city. We have enough to eat and get medical attention. I can also donate money to, and help raise funds for the Angkor Hospital for Children and a Khmer study centre. So, I feel blessed.

I want to use my experience as a survivor to be a role model to help others. I want to help Cambodia with projects that teach people “to fish and not just give them fish.” My philosophy is “feed the cows to produce the milk so that they may feed the babies.”

I marvel at the journey I have taken, a voyage from hell to heaven. I didn’t realize how bad my life was until I experienced how good life can be. With what I know now, I’m not sure if I could survive the same experience again. When my clients ask me how I’m doing I always answer, “Couldn’t be better”, even though if I wrote down my complaints and those of my clients each day, I would have enough to fill a book.

I had to learn how to survive in the Killing Fields, when people had nothing. Now I have had to learn how to live in a time and place where people have and consume too much. The longer I live here, the more I like it. I enjoy being part of one the world’s “melting pot” cities.

Now I read about the trial of Kaing Guek Eav, known as Comrade Duch, the commander of the Tuol Sleng prison in Phnom Penh. I read the witnesses’ accounts of torture and murder. And I find myself asking, what sort of justice is possible now? This trial will not bring peace to Cambodia. We, who were lucky enough to survive, used to look forward to there being a trial, but that was 30 years ago. Too long ago for us to want to waste our energy seeking revenge. It will only cause more anger and hatred. After ignoring our suffering when action might have saved our country, what does the UN expect this trial to do for Cambodia now?

Only time will heal the survivors of the Killing Fields. Cambodians must make their own peace. They must work hard to provide for a new generation, and that will take a lot of money and effort. Why waste it on this trial? Any money the world has to spend on Cambodia should go toward unifying and rebuilding the country. Seventy percent of Cambodia’s population is under 30 years old. They didn’t experience the Killing Fields, and they face enough challenges in their daily struggle to make ends meet.

If the world’s democracies want to prevent illegal and cruel acts by other governments, they must act early when the harm is being done. Punishment must swiftly follow the crime. Of course, we must have justice, but how do we find justice in this case? It seems to me it’s too little too late. The sooner we move on, the better off Cambodians will be. I am not saying we should forget. Let the horrors be documented in books and films and let the truth be recorded for the entire world to see. But not through this trial, which will do nothing to improve the lives of Cambodians.

Instead of dwelling in the past and spending money on the trial, the UN should rehabilitate the Cambodian legal system so that a new generation can have laws and feel safe. I hope the UN has learned the most important lesson of the Killing Fields: act before it’s too late. By helping the Khmers to help themselves and rebuild Cambodia, the world would be making the best investment.

To bring smiles to the faces of the Cambodians of today would be the sweetest way to answer the cruelty of the Killing Fields.

Marshall Kim left Cambodia as a refugee and began a new life in the US. He now has a hairdressing salon in Manhattan. He is the founder of the Cambodian-American Foundation for Education (CAFFE), which strives to help Cambodians through education. His foundation funds training programs and provides tuition fees for Cambodia’s young people. It also provides micro-credit loans to help Cambodian entrepreneurs establish and expand their businesses. For more information: www. caffedu.org